Touch and touching somebody is a skill. One of the things I teach is the importance of touch, and how Tantric touch can increase the pleasure for both people. This is a skill and Tantric touch is not a difficult skill to learn.
However, when I work with couples one of the major topics to come out between the couple is how the man touches the woman. A woman that I worked with first and then her husband came to work with us explained it this way. She said her husband touched her with man hands. I knew exactly what she meant by that because for 25 years my ex-husband it touched me with man hands and it didn’t matter how often I said that doesn’t feel good, he didn’t care. But I think most men do care.
If I was going to explain man hands and manhandling it would be that it is grasping. It is not pleasant in the fact that it’s seems to be motivated by just grabbing whatever comes into view. I know exactly what it is and it’s sort of hard to explain. But I can remember back in high school when my best friend’s boyfriend came over to my house and wanted to take me for a drive which just ended up with him trying to make out with me, and grabbing me just everywhere in a really rough way. Then he asked as I wasn’t responding and was telling him no, “Am I not as good as so-and-so. I said. “no you’re not.” It was mean, but I was 16 and it wasn’t consensual touch.
Touching people is not hard. To do it right and bring pleasure is an easy skill to learn, but there has to be a change of attitude and presence. Your hands should embody compassion and kindness. And that doesn’t mean it has to be soft gentle lovemaking, that’s not what I mean it all. Some of the best sex I’ve had has been fairly rough but the man touched me in a way that was confident, no grabbing, but a smooth confident motion, it was an understanding of how the body works. Touch can’t move against the muscle, you can’t move against how the breast grows, you can’t move against how the vagina works. Tantric touch just really means a touch that is firm but not hard or painful. Tantric touch is confident and moves with the natural contours of the body and it brings deep pleasure.
I have to add this because I’m compelled to. One thing that is never pleasant and I never uses in a massage is the fingers kneading at the flesh, it just feels bad and a lot of men often do this. They will use their fingertips and sort of knead into the flesh, and it just does not bring pleasure it is an annoying feeling and I don’t understand why they do it.
Touch can be the most pleasurable experience if it’s practiced in the right way and that goes for men and women. It is always meant to bring pleasure. When in doubt always ask your partner if something feels good.
Does it feel good when I touch you this way?
What feels better and give them an examples of a couple of types of touch.
Communication is key to good touch, it is key to a good partnerships, and it is key to a good life.